I can’t begin to explain how much I have benefited from you book.

Without even realizing it, I had embarked on a journey of developing my own self-awareness some time ago. I am now 53 years old, and it’s taken all of the last almost 30 years to get to this place – memories have unfolded bit by bit during this time. Your book has been like a shining light in a shadowy room – explaining everything I sensed and felt but couldn’t explain, reactions I couldn’t understand, and a way forward that I felt, didn’t exist.

The ‘the mother/daughter’ relationship I have with my mother has been the cause of the disturbed, extremely charged and reactive interaction that I have with her, which I could never understand and even more frustrating, had no idea how to deal with – it got so bad that when she was due to have very serious surgery, I actually wished she would die, but the overwhelming and corresponding feeling of guilt for feeling this way about ‘my mother’, actually resulted in me having a breakdown of sorts. Visits to a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist helped to a degree, as did the anxiety medication I was prescribed, but there was no solution.

I heard your interview of 702, and immediately went out and bought your book, which I’ve read in bite sized chunks, absorbing every word, and it all makes absolute sense. Memories had begun to surface at least 10 or so years ago, and I had actually, without realizing it, begun to put together a sequence of my personal history with my mother, from about the age of 4 – not a very pleasant history at all.

Just before hearing your interview, I had a dream; a very, very clear dream (unlike the usual, hazy ones I can’t really recall), and one which I could actually remember in absolute detail: I was in a room and through the window I could see into a kitchen and when I saw the tap I felt thirsty. The only way to get to the kitchen would have been to walk through the door, which I tried to do. But, as I moved towards the door, my mother was standing, with her back to me, on the right hand side of the door. I couldn’t see her face, but I knew it was her. On the left of the doorway, also with his back to me, was my father. But, I could not get through the door – every time I got close to my mother I was repelled / repulsed back into the centre of the room. I kept on trying but just couldn’t do it. I began to get so thirsty that I was crying in desperation, but I still couldn’t get past her. Eventually, after numerous attempts and me sobbing in desperation, my dad put his arm out, took my hand and led me out of the room and at that point I woke up crying. This dream left me feeling very unsettled.

When I got to the chapter, towards the end of the book, about dreams, I was able to understand the significance of this dream. Now that I understand my history better, the unconscious defense mechanisms (which I can now identify), why I have tried so hard, repeatedly, to try and ‘fix’ the relationship, and the terrible struggle that has been going on within me, I feel so much calmer, and more in control. It has been a difficult and exhausting journey and I can’t begin to explain how enlightening and helpful your book has been. All I can say is a very big ‘thank you’. Your book explained more to me, and has helped me more than the countless number of ‘professional’ consultations in my life have.

• The quality of the book in terms of printing – paper quality, pictures, layout – etc was excellent.
• The content for me being an engineer was exceptional.
• For me as I read the book – I used my own life as a case study to understand the affect of my caregiver on my psyche and all my defense systems.
• I also look forward to my dreams and try to get more involved (very difficult though) and get more details I terms of colour etc etc
• I now have a reasonable understanding of depth psychology.
• The pictures of the Antarctic added a nice dimension.